I hugged the box to my chest. "Don't worry," I whispered. "She promised us."
I covered my head and face as I headed out the door. Outside, the world was alive and bustling as everyone went about their day. I took a deep breath and ventured out. I weaved and bobbed my way through the crowded streets, every so often being asked to stop for whatever reason. I won't stop, I thought to myself. This is too important, I have to keep going.
On and on I went, until I finally made it to the temple. I squeezed the box one last time, then went inside.
There she was, sitting on her throne in all her splendor. Long, silky hair, a perfectly formed body, skin like marble, and a face with straight lines in all the right places. She was beautiful, and would make all of my dreams come true.
"Lisette,"
she said as I walked into the room.
"Yafah," I replied with a low bow to the ground.
"What can I do for you?"
"You know what I want."
"And you know the price."
I had to hold back a few tears as I presented the box to her. She took it from me, as if it were some common item rather than my heart. She opened up the box and looked on with a blank stare. As she took out my heart from the box, I felt a little tear in my being.
It's okay, I reminded myself. She promised.
"Yafah," I replied with a low bow to the ground.
"What can I do for you?"
"You know what I want."
"And you know the price."
I had to hold back a few tears as I presented the box to her. She took it from me, as if it were some common item rather than my heart. She opened up the box and looked on with a blank stare. As she took out my heart from the box, I felt a little tear in my being.
It's okay, I reminded myself. She promised.
"These are
disgusting rags," she commented as she unwrapped the bandages. Then she
cracked open my heart and looked inside. Her face changed, as if there were a
foul smell in the air. "Oh my," she said. "What have you
done?"
She looked through the items in my heart, clearly disgusted by what she saw. Finally, she placed my heart back in the box and laid it aside. She looked at me.
"What you gave me isn't enough for what you want."
My eyes widened. "But you promised."
"You didn't tell me you were a whore."
It felt as if I had been slapped in the face. "I don't know-"
"Don't look so surprised. I saw the things you did and the men you did them with. I saw your thoughts and your desires, and they're all disgusting. You're broken, and for that you're weak and pathetic. You want to be beautiful, but how could you think you could be with the filth you brought me?"
I fell to my knees and sobbed. I thought back to all the times I should have stopped myself and the times I should have said no. The weight of my shame bore down on me as if I were Atlas with the world on my shoulders. I had made mistakes, and I didn't do what I was supposed to do, but I didn't know I was so far gone that there couldn't be any hope for me.
"I thought you could fix it," I said in between hiccups. "I knew that it would be hard, but I figured that if anyone could do it, it was you."
She pulled me up by my hair. "Listen to me," she said, with her piercing eyes staring into mine. "You will never be beautiful, and ugly people don't make it out there. No one ever wants them, no one loves them, they just get rejected and tossed to the side of the road. Why do you think everyone loves me? Why do you think they worship me and bring me gifts? Because I'm beautiful. My beauty brings me love, your ugly can only bring you hate."
She let go of me and strode back to her throne. "There is, however, another option…"
I waited as she looked back at me and sat down. "You'll never be beautiful," she said. "But you can look it."
She motioned for me to come closer until I sat down and waited at her feet. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, I can give you hair that is soft and voluminous, full lips and a perfectly formed face, your skin will be a shade as if it had been kissed by the sun. You will look beautiful on the outside, but my dear, you will never be beautiful because of what's on the inside. That's the best I can do."
"What's the cost?"
"Your identity," she answered. "No one can ever know who you truly are. They can admire the beautiful exterior that I give you, but because I can't change the ugliness of your heart, they can never see that part of you. Do you understand me, Lisette? You can never give anyone the chance to see you or love you, because they won't take that chance and they'll only hate you. This way, everyone will love and adore who they think you are."
I considered what she said for a moment. More than anything I had wanted to be beautiful, but Yafah had said it herself; there was no way, and this was the best alternative that I had. Is this truly what I wanted?
"If anyone saw my heart," I said. "And if they saw who I am, you're sure that they could never love me?"
She looked through the items in my heart, clearly disgusted by what she saw. Finally, she placed my heart back in the box and laid it aside. She looked at me.
"What you gave me isn't enough for what you want."
My eyes widened. "But you promised."
"You didn't tell me you were a whore."
It felt as if I had been slapped in the face. "I don't know-"
"Don't look so surprised. I saw the things you did and the men you did them with. I saw your thoughts and your desires, and they're all disgusting. You're broken, and for that you're weak and pathetic. You want to be beautiful, but how could you think you could be with the filth you brought me?"
I fell to my knees and sobbed. I thought back to all the times I should have stopped myself and the times I should have said no. The weight of my shame bore down on me as if I were Atlas with the world on my shoulders. I had made mistakes, and I didn't do what I was supposed to do, but I didn't know I was so far gone that there couldn't be any hope for me.
"I thought you could fix it," I said in between hiccups. "I knew that it would be hard, but I figured that if anyone could do it, it was you."
She pulled me up by my hair. "Listen to me," she said, with her piercing eyes staring into mine. "You will never be beautiful, and ugly people don't make it out there. No one ever wants them, no one loves them, they just get rejected and tossed to the side of the road. Why do you think everyone loves me? Why do you think they worship me and bring me gifts? Because I'm beautiful. My beauty brings me love, your ugly can only bring you hate."
She let go of me and strode back to her throne. "There is, however, another option…"
I waited as she looked back at me and sat down. "You'll never be beautiful," she said. "But you can look it."
She motioned for me to come closer until I sat down and waited at her feet. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, I can give you hair that is soft and voluminous, full lips and a perfectly formed face, your skin will be a shade as if it had been kissed by the sun. You will look beautiful on the outside, but my dear, you will never be beautiful because of what's on the inside. That's the best I can do."
"What's the cost?"
"Your identity," she answered. "No one can ever know who you truly are. They can admire the beautiful exterior that I give you, but because I can't change the ugliness of your heart, they can never see that part of you. Do you understand me, Lisette? You can never give anyone the chance to see you or love you, because they won't take that chance and they'll only hate you. This way, everyone will love and adore who they think you are."
I considered what she said for a moment. More than anything I had wanted to be beautiful, but Yafah had said it herself; there was no way, and this was the best alternative that I had. Is this truly what I wanted?
"If anyone saw my heart," I said. "And if they saw who I am, you're sure that they could never love me?"
"I'd bet my own
beauty on it."
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